3 Random Things Disaster

This is an exercise I did while in a fiction writing class. The exercise consists of picking a location where a disaster is taking place, choosing three random objects, and then writing a short story taking place during the disaster using the three objects. For this exercise, I was given a hotel as a location with the three objects being a car, a shark, and a sword. Here’s the short story I wrote as a result of this exercise.

And by the way, I was not drunk or high (or both) while I wrote this. I was in a completely natural state of what I call “normal.” I hope you enjoy the story. 🙂

“Good evening, ladies and gentleman,” said the well-spoken and well-groomed newscaster. “I am Zeus Thundertush and we have some Breaking News to report.”

The tension in the air cut through every single person in the newsroom as they fixed their eyes on the gray-haired, white-bearded newscaster. What had just happened, that string of horrible events shaking our worlds only minutes ago, was about to be broadcast to the entire viewing audience.

Everyone in the newsroom could feel it.

Everyone leaned forward in their chairs or leaned forward from their feet as they stood in awe at what was about to be reported by the hairy Thundertush.

“A hotel caught fire just moments ago,” he seriously began. “It has not been confirmed exactly which hotel as our on-the-beat reporter, Tawni, never gave us what could be considered an actual location. From what she has described to us, though, we can pass along that the fire started when a group of young immigrants jumped out of their cars, in front of the hotel, and began spontaneously hugging. The hug flash mob, known amongst chat board circles as Los Abrazos de Amor, were in the middle of their premeditated spontaneous hug-fest when many from the mob suddenly began panicking at the sight of great white sharks being transported in vehicles hauling clear shark tanks, passing directly in front of them.

“A few members of the mob ran in front of the shark tank vehicles, causing the drivers to slam on their brakes and come to sudden stops, flipping their vehicles over, shattering the shark tanks and releasing the deadly great white sharks.

“As this occurred, the visiting Japanese katana competition team, or as they call themselves, It’s Katana, Bitches, – who were all standing outside the hotel waiting for their rooms to be patched with duct tape after a pre-match practice session went awry – drew their swords and began hacking at the great white sharks flopping around on the flooded street.

“This created a bloody mess of shark flesh and shark guts, as well as other innards that have yet to be identified, causing the traveling Lancaster County Amish Fire Breathers, who had just left the hotel, to abruptly slip and accidentally spit fire at a flock of birds flying overhead. The disoriented flock then crashed through a hotel window where they startled a gritty, old, white man holding a bong, who dropped his lighter onto the rug as he quickly doused the flaming birds with a huge pitcher of water he kept on a small table next to him for allegedly no reason at all.

“The open flame from the dropped lighter quickly grew to envelop the hotel in this tragic blaze you are now witnessing in our live footage.

“As a result, local police have taken into custody the old man, charging him only with possession of paraphernalia. While he was taken from the scene, the gritty, old, white man could be heard yelling, ‘My bong. I have a right to my bong.’ When interviewed, the officer in charge said, quote, ‘I wish there was a chance in hell we could make up some phony drug charges to stick on him, but he’s not black.’

“Again, we do not yet have a location, but our on-the-beat reporter, Tawni, has reported hearing strange chants of ‘Westgate’ coming from the surrounding crowd. To clarify, this is not a confirmed location as it could simply be a crowd of the remaining Lancaster County Amish Fire Breathers asking if ‘Westgate’ is the end of the nearby college handing out free condoms.

“Quite a horny bunch, those Amish.

“Stay with us for more coverage of this unfolding tragedy on the eleven o’clock edition of Flash News with Zeus Thundertush. Thank you and good evening.”

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