Breach

I want to commit suicide.
I want to die.
I want to let go.

But I can’t.
Something won’t allow it.
Never could.
Something won’t let me.
Never will.

I won’t say it’s God
as the Devil is said
to prolong suffering.

If I must continue
when I wish it to end,
how can I call that mercy,
either God’s
or my own?

Perhaps our problem
is the issue we have
with commitment.

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6 thoughts on “Breach

  1. I hope you’re okay. That’s all I’m saying. I’ve learned that offering prayers and thoughts has come across as rude so I just want you to know that all I’m doing is hoping you’re okay. Great piece, though.

    1. Thank you. 🙂

      This piece is actually intended to show a dark sense of humor I can have sometimes. You know; the idea of wanting to commit suicide, but not being able to because of commitment issues (i.e., I can’t commit to it).

      I’ve learned to approach my “bad” thoughts from a humorous standpoint as a way of not allowing them to envelop me. That’s my long-winded way of saying, “I’m okay. Thank you for your concern.” 🙂

  2. I hope you’re doing ok too. God loves you so much Ganriel, even though this can be impossible to recognize at times but he really does grieve your suffering. Peace be with you my friend.

    1. Originally, I was going to place an italicized note at the beginning that read, “Please don’t take the first line seriously,” however, I cut it because I felt that it negated the feeling I wanted to get across, which is a darkness that wraps with a punch line at the end; a bit of light-heartedness in the darkness, so to speak.

      Thanks for the concern, though. 🙂

      1. I think it was wise to leave that line in there, it was definitely a major part of the message. Light-heartedness in the dark is always a good thing….:)

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