LoveKeep

I promised Jasmine over at Jasmine’s Writing Corner that I would do a Friday Prompt, and since I always keep my promises, this is that. If you’d like to take part in today’s prompt, the theme being “wishes,” check out her Friday Prompts #2 post, or you can simply give Jasmine a follow and catch the next prompt that comes your way.

Thank you for the prompt, Jasmine. I really enjoyed writing this one. 🙂

LoveKeep

I’m trapped by the way I’ve been conditioned to think, to not feel, to not trust, to view relationships as destructive, to give in to dependency; to need, to obsess, to lie and manipulate to get one’s way. To do for others not out of love, but out of obligation.

And now I’m trapped between this old way and the new path I wish to follow.

There are those who would drag me back if I allowed it, back into the pit I somehow crawled from, those who have worn me down and worn me out and worn me away; the tireless who have destroyed me and yet wish to destroy me more, who would drag me back selfishly and call it love.

This is why I don’t know love, don’t feel love or loved, and likely wouldn’t recognize love if it was shown or given to me. This is why the universe keeps love from me, not because the universe doesn’t love me or because I’m undeserving or because no one will truly love me, but because I have no foundation for it; I wouldn’t feel it anyway. I’m incapable of love.

So I walk in the ashes of my garden, among the decaying, wilted flowers that are somehow able to continue living.

But maybe they live because my love allows them.

Perhaps the flowers only decay on the black outside, but retain a seed to grow on the inside.

Perhaps seeing what love isn’t has shown me exactly what love is.

And perhaps what I now seek is merely to be the fulfillment of the wish another broken heart has made for love, to show her exactly what love is, to be her experience of discovering the greatest love she could ever imagine, or wish for, as she so deserves to wake to every morning of her life.

And so as she gazes upon the first star she sees tonight and sends her wish out to a universe of light shining in the darkness, I wait on the other side of the darkness to be her light, her love, her wish come true, to be the one who revives her once lost smile to the sky and flies with her through the darkness, our radiant hearts beating as one among a glorious eternity of wishes granted.