Trying

Speaking of inspiration, this is a poem I wrote for my friend Giulia of The High-Heeled Papergirl. It was originally a comment on a recent blog post of hers. Check out that post and enjoy this poem. 🙂

There are times when I can distract myself
from feeling all of this.
There also times in which I can’t,
and I feel it all. But not only do I feel
the depression of the present moment,
but the regret of every memory
and voice and emotion from the past
that never stops haunting me,
and every desire and craving and thought
of a perfect possible future
that never leaves me long enough to begin
to be okay with myself and the way life is.

No matter how hard I try, nothing
works out for me, except
for when Mother Nature wants to make me
feel better,
and so pulls her cloud curtains over the sun,
makes it dark for me, and pours her rain
over my head and down my face,
not to mask my tears, but to be my tears
for me.
In return, I lift my feeble chin to her rumbling sky
to admire the wicked beauty of every bolt,
lightning she throws down.

She misses me
with each try, but I can’t blame her for that.

After all, it’s just a show she puts on for me
as she offers an opportunity for me
to look upon her with a clear mind
and increasingly wet feet. And every day
that there are clear skies that make me wonder
if I’m capable of feeling something
as normal
as love,
I do seldom get that rainy reminder
from her
that I can at least appreciate what she does
for me,

even if all I can offer her in return falls
far short of what can be called “love.”

This is what I get for not trying anymore.

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4 thoughts on “Trying

  1. Beautiful poem Gabriel. I particularly like:
    “and pours her rain
    over my head and down my face,
    not to mask my tears, but to be my tears
    for me.”
    It adds an unexpected, marvellous and moving twist. 🙂

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