To Learn

Lying here,
staring into the illusive sky,
an escaping tear tingles to my ear
bearing images of what has eluded me.

Love sways about
my heart’s weathered tomb,
sailing distant
into crashing waves
juggling skewed reflections
of the flashing storm.

Hints of daylight rain
illuminating fire
on my soul,
pounding the drums of a glistening day
with expectation and unexpectedness.

Silence offers the first questions of the day,
tipping their hats in my mind.

Questions of the far off future
greet questions of next month
and next week and tomorrow,
leading to the question today
of whether there was any worth
in waking.

Lying here,
a blistering truth remains.

What beats in my chest is
a phantom
of what once was believed present.
Perhaps it never was.
Perhaps I’m not meant
to have a heart.

Perhaps I’m not meant to seek one,
too weary of a fight,
lacking reason to carry on
but bound to opportunity.

Each day dying,
an opportunity to live.
Each day not knowing,
a window for revelation.

Each bite of anger,
a chance to be calm.
Each moment of aggression,
a moment to show mercy.

Each relationship ended,
an open door to another.
Each person who leaves,
a trial of letting go.

Lying here,
a limbering truth remains.

Sadness, fear,
a rolling tear,
a longing to feel
someone near.

Seeing no one by my side
in the vast unknown,
remember still
I am not alone,
as they come to visit again
and again and again.

Lying here,
an escaping tear tingles to my ear.


5 thoughts on “To Learn

  1. spudbudette

    This just drips of your overwhelming emotions. Don’t give up, you will get through this. I feel your pain. Thank you for expressing it so engagingly. Wishing the best for you.

  2. Pingback: To Learn — A Little Me, Apparently | spudbudette

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