Waiting Room

I’m too old
I look too young
I’m too depressed
A song already sung
I’m too unmotivated
I’m too sad
My better times
Are only a fad
I’m alone too much
I have too little
When I think
My thoughts are brittle
I speak too clearly
Say what’s on my mind
And people become
Much harder to find
I’m much too honest
Far too sincere
Which is far too scary
For others to hear
I give too much
And receive much less
But it’s all for the sake
Of trying my best
But my best is lacking
I come up too short
I judge myself often
On top of judgments of your sort
I’m too trapped
too regretful
too nice
too silent
too slow
too tolerant
too patient
too strange
too unfeeling
too separate
too shameless
too much like no one
of a comfortable range
I feel too much
Yet not enough
Every tease of happiness
Is merely a bluff
I’m too damaged
More and more battered
Too insignificant
To actually matter
I’m too specific with words
To have a place called “home”
So even in death
I’ll wait as I roam
I can’t enter into Heaven
I don’t righteous too well
And as I’m too good
I’m unwelcome in Hell


18 thoughts on “Waiting Room

  1. You’re caught in the middle and how! I would say you’re being awfully self-critical but then sometimes I think on these very lines. So I guess in a way can understand the sentiment you’re trying to convey with this one. On the brighter side, I feel not fitting in is what makes us stand out. And misfits tell the best stories so there, there’s nothing to worry about. 🙂

      1. Wait, I think I just did! Sorry if that bothered you. Sometimes I read a little too much between the lines. Just that I myself have felt like one for so long and your words really spoke to me in that sense. 🙂

      2. Your comment didn’t bother me. What I said was meant to be humorous. Sometimes I forget to add an emoji or a “lol” so people know how to take my comment. Sorry about that.

        Second, I know how you feel. I tend to be socially awkward, so fitting in with others is something I don’t do well at all. In fact, over the years, I’ve actually come to see the humor in it. I mean, I’ve met people who felt like they didn’t fit in yet found other people who they fit in with. Usually, those other people didn’t fit in anywhere either. So it was like people who didn’t fit in anywhere just got together, having their misfit nature in common. And they understand each other on that level, which is good.

        Personally, I don’t even fit in with people who don’t fit in. I think I really am an alien who was abandoned on this planet. lol Maybe space mommy and space daddy will come back for me someday. *sigh*

        (That last part was supposed to be funny, by the way. I’ll understand if you think it’s not.)

      3. Now I feel like a colossal idiot but that’s okay. It’s hard to understand the tone of a sentence in the virtual world and I must add that a lol and/or a smiley does work wonders in that sense. All this time I was wondering – hey, I think she’s not the type to be offended so easily… Its just that I take words too seriously, got to lighten up (note to self).
        As for fitting in, I never give it much thought. When I look around I realize everyone’s trying to fit in in their own unique way. It’s like we’re all aliens but from different planets. Just that only a very few of us actively embrace our alien-ness (if that’s a word.) And I’m sure in a galaxy far far away, our space mommies and daddies are facing the same problems. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, right. (I think this qualifies for a lol).

      4. Any time you want to compare mess-ups to see whose worse… I’m right here, and I won’t back down… 😉

        Okay, I’m not sure I’ve ever before been in a competition to see who’s the worst.

      5. I’m in. We have a deal! This is going to be fun. Send me your email, if I’m going to revealing how awfully stupid I am, I might as well do it from a mailbox. 🙂

  2. “I am like an owl in the desert, like a little owl in a far-off wilderness.” When I read this in the Bible, it reminds me of me.

    I don’t “do righteous well” either and I’m a Christian. If we could be good, Jesus needn’t have come and died. I am a total mess, but God likes messy people. We realize we need him.

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