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The High Heeled Papergirl

Hey everyone!

I know I shut this blog a while ago but I’m here because I need your help. I’ve launched a crowdfunding campaign and would love for you to check it out. If you don’t want to donate, only sharing the link on your social media networks would be tremendously helpful! Here it is.

By the way, see you soon on Words In the Universe!

With love,

Giulia

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Selective Light

My family are the stars,
each in exile
from the sun’s grasp,
from the sun’s light
singing of how it can
save me.

But the light is a lie,
a story fed to babes,
repeated by children,
to make them feel
special.

But the light is a lie,
a mask worn
even by those
still working to convince
themselves.

But the light is a lie,
pattering with distortions
only seen
through the glass
from the outside.

My family are the stars
too dim to find,
but their influence
must be,
for I can’t be
the only one.

Perhaps they abstain
from shining bright
in sadness
for the lying light
that professes how much
it wants to hold me
but only
if I accept its truth.

Perhaps they abstain
from the shining light
in sadness
for their brother or sister
who lost the way
and walks astray
in the darkness,
clinging to itself.

Perhaps they abstain
from the shining light
and how it wishes to save me,
while we gaze at each other,
and I wish to save those
who in their desperate hour
allowed the light
to blind them.

Reading Meaning

This past Saturday, I spent six straight hours finishing revisions for Chapter 11 of my first novel. Maybe total burnout had struck my brain, I don’t know, but afterward, I thought about what I wrote, focusing in on the possible meaning behind the repetition of a specific line.

For a tiny bit of background (no spoilers, I promise, which is why I’m not telling you any settings), I can say that the first scene, taking place in Chapter 10, involves the protagonist, Kara, speaking with another character, Roland. In this scene, Kara, who’s been charged with saving the life of every person on planet Earth, is having a “down” moment in which she has zero confidence in herself. Roland is attempting to talk her up.

“You’re not a failure, Kara,” Roland counters.

“I’ve always been a failure,” I counter back. “There’s never been a question about that.”

About to counter again, he stops himself and squints. “You know, maybe we do have something in common.”

If he mentions having an affinity for pronouncing the word ‘supposedly’ as ‘supposebly,’ then I will be seriously shocked.

“You’re stubborn, like me.”

Of course not; I’m too unique.

I part from a view of his gorgeous blues as my tone ensnares a healthy dose of reality. “I’m not like you.” My exhausted head droops as I finish, “I’m not like anyone.”

The second scene takes place in Chapter 11, as Kara confronts the antagonist of the novel, who is kind of attracted to her.

“What is your name?”

Turning from him, I cough out a laugh. “You’re about to murder everyone on the planet and you ask me my name as if it’s important?”

“Please,” he begs.

He begs?

Gazing up into his eyes, I see something that may resemble affection, like he’s actually come to care about me. But how can someone about to do something so unspeakably horrific have any sense of caring in him? I’d accuse him of being heartless for committing to destroy my world, but that would be a lie. My world is already gone, stolen from me years ago. Besides, I’m not sure that I have any caring left in me either. I mean, I never did wanna save the human race anyway; I only wanted to save myself.

“Please,” he softly repeats.

Maybe we do have something in common.

“Kara,” I exhale.

Maybe he’s devoid of the same thing I’m missing…

“It’s a true honor to meet you, Kara…”

…a need…

“…a pleasure.”

…something real.

If you didn’t catch the specific line that’s repeated in the two scenes, it’s, “Maybe we do have something in common.” Now, at the time I wrote it into Chapter 11, I didn’t realize I was repeating the line; that wasn’t my intention. When I did realize it, however, and I looked back at Chapter 10 to make sure I was remembering correctly and not just suffering from post-revisions severe brain fry, I began thinking about why that line is repeated.

What I came up with is that Roland is a good guy; he has a good heart. In that Chapter 10 scene, he’s seeing the best in Kara and trying to encourage her to see the same. But Kara rejects this because of the low opinion she has of herself. When Kara is speaking with the antagonist in Chapter 11, she thinks of him as heartless and uncaring. This is when Kara poses the same thought for the antagonist that Roland attempted to pose with her. She sees herself as heartless and uncaring so thinks that she has something in common with the antagonist. In other words, despite having good qualities, Kara only sees the worst in herself, which is why she believes she shares a common trait with the antagonist but not Roland.

This is also why I really like that little exchange at the end of the Chapter 11 excerpt, after she tells him her name, in which Kara’s thoughts align with the antagonist’s words. It’s like the two of them are on the same wavelength.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on my writings and analyzing my writings. Maybe I don’t intend to put meaning into every line or every action, but sometimes it accidentally sneaks in there somehow. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think I’m some type of genius by any standard, even the lowest ones, but part of the fun of reading and writing is analyzing what’s been read or written. I like seeing meaning in things, especially when I know it wasn’t consciously put there. This makes me believe that maybe there’s more to our thoughts and our creations than even we know.

Can you read the meaning in your own writing? Give it a try. You may surprise yourself. 😉

A Giraffe, A Canadian, And Shakira All Walk In To A Bar…

Three things:

1. Am I the only person on this planet who would take a picture of a giraffe sitting outside of a children’s orthodontist office?
Dysart and McDowell orthodontist office IMG_20170816_170348

2. Do you love Canadians? So do I. And like me, you can show your love for a Canadian by following the blog of this up-and-coming writer who happens to live in Canada. I plan to move there someday, you know, when I seriously need the free healthcare (America is so behind the curve on that). Miss Brittney Stevenson has only recently begun blogging, but what we know of her thus far is that she has a nice blogging style, loves the color purple as well as The Color Purple, and she has totally wonderful taste in music. Check out her blog by clicking this sentence.

3. Speaking of music, is this Shakira song just so freakin’ awesome or what?

Oh, I should finish that joke (up there in the title) with a bad punch line. Okay, umm, how about this?… A giraffe, a Canadian, and Shakira all walk in to a bar. The Canadian notices the giraffe seems sad as he struggles to curl his mouth down to his drink. Shakira, also noticing the giraffe seems sad, asks, “Long day?” “No,” the giraffe replies, “just a long neck.”

Just Win (The Super Bowl), Baby

Three years ago, I wrote a blog post concerning my Oakland Raiders and the fact that they stunk so much that I was hoping for them to get even one, lone win that season. It’s amazing how quickly the Raiders have turned around, last season becoming a post-season team for the first time in 13 years, and this season, being looked at by many as a Super Bowl contender. This represents quite the change for the Raiders, who for many years were the joke of the NFL.

So what happened? They put in the work.

And by that I mean that the Raiders are a well-managed team now. Their GM, Reggie McKenzie, has done a much better job in recent years of signing free agents and drafting new players out of college. Add to that the spectacular job head coach Jack Del Rio has done in instilling confidence in the team as well as a winning attitude, and it’s not hard to see that luck had nothing to do with the Raiders’ return to excellence.

Leading this return is a QB, Derek Carr, who would rather give all the glory to God and to his teammates and coaches than to himself. He’s a humble young man, and I’d have no one else in that QB spot. Carr’s exactly the type of man who I want to see on this team, and that’s saying a lot since there was a time when the Raiders were the bad boys of football and proud of it.

Derek Carr, as he’s willing to admit, was wild in his college years. That is, until someone special to him said, “You’re not the person I thought you were.” Coming from the right woman at the right time, those words were exactly what Carr needed to hear to turn his life around. He straightened himself up and began walking on the path of Jesus with that special lady who would become his wife. Today, Carr will tell you that he’s had many experiences that have convinced him that God is working in his life. In fact, if you want to hear him for yourself, please follow this link to a recent podcast interview in which he explained his faith, how he came to it, and how he uses it to help others. That portion of the interview begins at the 12:48 mark.

This is the man I’m thankful is leading my Oakland Raiders. I love him. He’s a wonderful young man with a great attitude and a strong dedication to his belief, to his wife, to his kids, and to making the Raiders a Super Bowl-winning team. I may not be a man of faith, but I’m grateful that he is. Carr has had such a positive impact on the Raiders organization and the fans, the Raider Nation, as well. And who knows? Maybe in a couple of years, when the Raiders move to Las Vegas, we’ll find out that Carr is exactly the angel that Sin City needs. I wouldn’t bet on Vegas changing one bit, but then again, faith doesn’t rely on luck. 🙂

Oakland Raiders - Derek Carr

There And Here (Beyond)

What do I feel?
I don’t know.

What does that mean?
Is love not there?
Is love not here?

And in the absence of love,
what fills me,
if anything fills me
at all?

God is love,
so where is God?

Where is meaning?
Is faith not there?
Is faith not here?

And in the absence of faith,
can I fear
what isolates my soul
from life?

God is hope,
so where is hope?

Or am I beyond hope?
Am I beyond faith?
Am I beyond love
or the capacity to love?

What do I mean?
I don’t know.

Am I beyond knowing?

Or is it all there,
floating before me?

Is it beyond my reach?
Is it all brushing my fingertips
as I strain and struggle for it?

Will it not all come to me
while my silence screams need?

Or am I beyond need?

Will God not come to me?
Is this why the Devil hates God?

If God is love,
is the Devil hate?
Or is the Devil simply…

…there?

Recession

I’d cry if I could be sad,
shout if I could be mad,
expect something different
if different wasn’t always
the same.

I’d sing a tearful song,
hold a note just as long
as I can hold a smile
that means nothing to me
or you.

When the day comes ‘round
light is no longer found
in a world where darkness
sits atop its frozen throne
and calms,

That is when this gaze will find
another soul of like mind
and prove wrong the notion
that the end of all time is
too late.

If A Me Falls…

When I’m alone
and I talk,
with no one around
to hear,
am I really talking?
Am I saying anything?
Do my words exist?
Or are my utterances
forever lost
to a climb into a sky
that only grows colder
the more it concedes
to a natural vacuum?

Observing The Same Cratered Moon

I see in the mirror
a bizarre broken half,
bizarrely split
in smooth, silk glass

We reflect a touch
yet deflect the spell
wishing to break us
from our personal Hell

For if Heaven sent
a beauty to be
in mind and spirit
to set us free

We should rejoice,
welcome chance,
live for the day
and elusive dance

While all focus
holds firm on thee:
a glint, a smile
for limits set free

As every star
in eternity’s embrace
shines its light
in honor of your grace

In mind’s eye
an evanescent dream
seeks to demise
a heart in scream

I’ve only seen
love go horrible and sour,
become one-sided
or neither-sided and cower

So your hesitance reflects
my mirror of you
or your mirror of me,
of that I confuse

However we sit
in what’s real and not,
our hope resides
in the lack of rot

Is this truly why
our distance remains,
to be sure love stays
an everlasting domain?